3-D My Arse

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on April 17, 2010 by jamesdrax

Today, I did my usual weekend stroll around Harvey Norman gawking at all of those expensive electronics that I can’t afford, when a fuzzy looking High Definition LED screen caught my attention because of some doofus sitting in front of it with a pair what looked like Geordi LaForge’s visor set from Star Trek: The Next Generation stuck on his face, with some sleazy salesman telling him how great this 3-D technology was!

After the guy being conned took the specs off, I approached the lounge and asked could I try them out. The salesdouche thought he was being hilarious by saying “Sure, that’ll be two dollars”. I wanted to stamp on his head and take the specs myself. Anyhow, he gave me a try, so I put them on and sat on the lounge while the salesmoron was still trying to scam the other idiot.

They had on what looked like Monsters vs. Aliens (2009) but to me, this looked absolutely terrible. I was having a horrible time trying to focus on anything, and the 3-D processing looked so artificial, that it was making my eyes feel like they were about to throb like a jammed thumb in a doorway. I had to pull the specs off after about thirty seconds because my eyes were about to go up like the Death Star. I passed the specs back to the nitwit salesman, who asked in smarmy manner “Wanna be signed up?”

I just said “that hurt my eyes,” and walked off.

No really, it did hurt. I suffered a considerable amount of eye strain for about an hour immediately after trying out this new home 3-D technology. This is surprising, because I couldn’t complain about that after seeing James Cameron’s blue pussy people movie Avatar (2009), so there must still be something wrong with the LED technology and the eyes’ ability to focus on its frame or refresh rate or whatever the tech-heads call it.

However, if 3-D is the future of home entertainment, then I will not buy it. I was rather thankful though that the TV itself has the option of switching back to 2-D, but it all seems like a bloody big waste if it’s just going to fry my eyeballs after such a short amount of time.

3-D in cinemas has been pissing me off too because I can’t be bothered watching crap like Alice in Wonderland (2010) and Clash of the Titans (2010) if they were originally shot in 2-D, then reprocessed in 3-D just to make a quick buck of this new fad. All the idiots who want this in their homes are about as bad as those who clamor for something as boring and mundane as an iPad. What the hell does an iPad do that any other computer can’t do anyhow?

I’m actually relieved now because I won’t have to spend ridiculous amounts of money on something that actually will make my eyes turn square and still enjoying my trusty old 2-D television while everyone else is in their lounge rooms looking stupid wearing sunglasses indoors.

UPDATE: The manufacturer even warns of health risks.

Global Warming Found to be Fake; Warmists Search for New Replacement Religion

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on November 24, 2009 by jamesdrax

Recently, some cool nerd hacked into a system mainframe and nicked a stack of e-mails from a flock of crazy warmist scientists exposing them as frauds perpetuating a dirty lie.

Amusingly, this fiasco has been dubbed as “Climategate”, I just love that suffix, but there’s nothing funny about what these unethical eggheads tried to pull off. Here’s a whole list of media sources that have covered this feral cat that’s been pulled from the bag.

Apparently, these scientists were caught trying to manipulate data, and shutting out and aggressively discrediting anyone who disagreed with them, a well-known fascist tactic employed by those who are thin-skinned and serve a pre-determined agenda for control over others by silencing opposition. Also, according the Washington Post, some even had delusions of inflicting physical harm on climate change skeptics. These boffins are madder than Mad-Eye Moody when he hasn’t taken his Polyjuice Potion – just as two-faced, too.

Naturally, this comes as a huge blow to warmist alarmists and their plans to use this fake junk science as an excuse to dominate the planet with a global government, funded by a cap and tax scam system. However, they haven’t given up on their goals, so naturally they’ll just search for some other invented ecological problem to exaggerate and whinge about, and implement it into government policy so as to rein people in and “mould the world to their heart’s desire”, as the Fabians usually like to put it.

What’s next for the globalist elite who wish to exploit our collective naiveté? United Earth presidential hopeful Al Gore will perhaps realize that his claims of global warming have been exposed as fraudulent (evidently, he already has because he’s too chicken to debate with Lord Christopher Monkton on the subject), so either he or another Madison Ave. frontman will ride the waves like an eco-messiah brat with a god-complex and assert claims of some other form of environmental extremist pseudoscience. Perhaps the next one will be that the earth is running out of oxygen and we need to stop burning things or otherwise Mother Gaia will be deeply upset and inflict revenge upon us all like in Roland Emmerich’s 2004 crapfest The Day After Tomorrow.

Not only that, everything that gets burnt will need to be taxed under a centralized global system that overrides national sovereignty, with new laws that infringe on people’s individual rights and personal freedoms, like breathing for instance. They’ll force you to pay, because bureaucrats love twisting people by the balls and pretending money is no object to anyone. That’ll teach ya, you filthy human carbon emitters. By the way, I hear even trees hate CO2 now, amazing.

Regardless of this major exposé on the corrupt side of the scientific community, which rocks the foundation of the argument that these new draconian government policies are based on, you’ll still see idiots like Kevin Rudd drumming up even more fear mongering because he’s too stubborn to accept defeat like the dogmatic extremist that he is.

Unfortunately, this news story will probably just irritate the crazy warmists who have a foothold on governments and mainstream media and it’ll just make them angrier and more dangerous. Only a small portion of the mainstream media has had the balls to pick this up, and the Crappy News Network (CNN) has decided to ignore it altogether (great journalism there, folks!), but Moonraking Drax has it covered.

Just watch out, these nuts never give up.

Roland Emmerich sees the President as a “King”?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on November 15, 2009 by jamesdrax

Recently, 2012 director Roland Emmerich expressed interest in making two sequels to his 1996 megahit Independence Day, and for that, I gush like an 11-year-old boy enjoying alien invasion mayhem and city destruction again. Talk about nostalgia!

However, one thing that Emmerich said during an interview regarding the sequels has sent me into a rare hissy fit because he doesn’t seem to know what he’s talking about when it comes to American government.

“In Independence Day, it was about a king who leads his country into a fight against an outside invader. I didn’t want to make that movie during the Bush years. It was not thought that George W. Bush would have made a great king. Now with Obama, it’s another story.”

What the hell is he talking about? Bill Pullman’s President Whitmore was a “king” leading his country into battle? Yeah, I get the imagery of the President leading the squadron of F-18s against the city destroyer is supposed to be evocative of some sort of “warrior king” from ancient or medieval times, but at the end of the day, the President is not a king. I saw it more as a small band of revolutionaries fighting against a technologically advanced and collectivist aggressor. Emmerich should have at least learned that from making The Patriot (2000).

I hate to give a boring lesson in Constitutional government, but a monarchical analogy applied to American politics would have to be the biggest faux pas in American culture. That is unless you’re among the wacky group of Americans (or even people from across the rest of the world) who think President Barack Obama should be a “king” working without the checks and balances of that annoying Congress, the Supreme Court, and those pestilent states that disobediently make up their own rules, because he’s just so damn cool and charismatic!

With that in mind, does Emmerich think that Obama would make a “great king”? Sure, obviously George W. Bush wouldn’t have made a great king, but neither would Obama. Hell, no President would! Please, the guy’s off his rocker and clearly exemplifies the weirdo Michael Moore businessman syndrome of wanting to make a Godzilla-sized pile of money making junk food movies, but is evidenced to dislike democracy and capitalism. What a hypocrite. Just look at his house, he reminds me of Anita Dunn because he’s clearly infatuated by undemocratic totalitarian regimes, which is linked to his crazy “King Obama” talk.  Some interesting lighting and furnishing though.

Granted, I love Independence Day. It’s always been one of my favourite movies simply due to the fact that it makes my sound system suffer severe cone damage from blowing up the subwoofer, and it’d funny to see that maybe Will Smith’s character has been elected President by now in a sequel, but this monarchical attitude from Emmerich is just too much for me to stomach. Perhaps he superficially believes that the other branches of government are irrelevant and hinder the progression of an imperial presidency. Who knows, he may be kidding, he is just a filmmaker afterall. But if not, it’s a frightening mindset.

Yet again, is this a European thing?

Hell Hath No Fury

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on September 29, 2009 by jamesdrax

A Woman’s Rage | Dir: Robert Malenfant | 2008 | 3.5/10

I love crappy Canadian made-for-cable movies, even if they suck as badly as A Woman’s Rage. At least the makers know they have an audience and their movies are better than Australian trash.

This crazy woman named Allison (Cynthia Preston) keeps stalking her ex-boyfriend Brian (Cameron Bancroft) and finds out that he’s dating a hot blonde named Kathryn (Brandy Ledford), so she comes up with a plan to get back at her, which involves murdering her ex-boyfriend by running his bike off the road and then killing his sister Jordan and hiding her corpse in his forest cabin as part of her sick plan.

Throughout much of the film, she takes on the identity of his sister by dying her hair blonde (it works well on her!) and seducing Kathryn’s idiot teenage son Scott (Alex House), who’s on county probation for doodling pictures on walls with spray paint. He looks like his member is about to launch into orbit and fire deadly toxin globes every time he interacts with her, but he’s also the final part of her blueprint for her maniacal psycho wish-fulfillment. This is one type of nutty mega bitch not seen since the bunny boiler in Fatal Attraction (1987).

Kathryn is so down-to-earth compared to Allison, I can’t help wondering why she even allowed her onto the property in first place, even if she did tell her she was Brian’s sister. Her coercion and manipulation, all fueled by obsession and jealousy, begins to drive a stake into Kathryn and Scott, but never underestimate the power of maternal love! Allison’s weird developing relationship with Scott must have made him think “haha! Jackpot!” Do be more careful, boys! Kathryn eventually senses something’s wrong with this maniac, but she never puts her foot down in time like she should.

While the production values and scriptwriting are at about the lowest pits imaginable, it’s a workman quality TV thriller. In fact, what keeps you hooked is Cynthia Preston because she’s just so out-of-her-mind and cunning as a shit-house rat, you keep asking yourself how any human being can go this far in following through with their sheer sociopathic insanity. Ledford looks nice, but she’s very aloof and stilted, a perfect opposite to Preston’s slithery and laid back manner that makes her look so “cool” compared to stiff old “mom”.

You’ll probably never see it. It’s on cable.

Jack Nicholson is the nosey kitty cat who cried “Wolf!”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on September 29, 2009 by jamesdrax

If Roman Polanski needed a tip on how not to get caught by the Swiss authorities over some antique court case, he should have listened to Jack Nicholson.

He sure did warn him. He’s so experienced at life, he’s warned everybody about anything and everything! The alleged crime in question did apparently take place at Jack’s house. What were you doing, Jack? You warned him, didn’t you?

What exactly does Jack warn people about anyway? He reckons he warned Heath Ledger about the Joker role. He apparently warned Michael Jackson about his doctor. He warned Patrick Swayze about the chain smoking. Hell, I bet he even warned John McCain about the 2008 election results! If something goes horribly wrong for a celebrity, Jack is always there to say “that’s horrible”, then concludes with “I warned him”, but according to the Daily Mail and New York Daily News, he constantly refuses to elaborate.

Jack is always right, but no-one ever listens to him. It’s because he’s a very nosey kitty cat.

It Knows What Scares You

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 23, 2009 by jamesdrax

Poltergeist | Dir: Tobe Hooper | 1982 | 10/10

If anything as much as a chair starts to move on its own in your house, grow a brain and move out as fast as you damn well can… because they’re heeeere.

If any typical American family had one of those “who ya gonna call?” moments, the Freeling family living in a nice Californian suburb would probably be the first to dial. In fact, given a revelation in the plot about gravestones that have been moved but with the landscape developers’ negligence in leaving the bodies buried under the house, they probably should have just called Dial Before You Dig.

Anyhow, strange disturbances start to rattle the nice folks, especially revolving around the youngest daughter Carol-Anne (Heather O’Rourke), but the dopey pothead parents Steve (Craig T. Nelson) and Diane (Jobeth Williams) think it’s all pretty damn cool. They even knock on the neighbours’ door asking if he’d seen anything odd, but he thinks this happy couple are real pair of meth addicted weirdos from the way they keep giggling like kookaburras and scratching their faces like they have bugs crawling up their skin. Yes, who the hell would take them seriously until their son Robbie (Oliver Robins) is attacked by the freaky tree outside his window while Carol-Anne is sucked into a portal in the wardrobe (no, not the TV like your uninformed filmgoer keeps saying) that takes her to another dimension that exists between our world and the spectral light where spirits are supposed to go – heaven only knows what she went through.

Help comes in the form of a group of para-psychologists who don’t seem to know what they’re doing. Their incompetence shows when one poor sucker starts seeing maggots eating their way out of a chicken drumstick that was in his mouth and starts tearing his own face off. So then they get Tangina (Zelda Rubinstein) to help get the kid back and exorcise the house, the latter of which she stupidly fails to do. “This house is clean” my arse. Just don’t jam her frequencies.

Tobe Hooper or Steven Spielberg, or whoever the hell actually directed Poltergeist, crafts probably the greatest horror movie of the 1980’s. It’s good because it’s not afraid to smack you in the face by exploiting the suburban setting and trashing the safe and stable domestic environment of Rockwell Americana. The intruding ghosts are an invading force that fragments the nuclear family by kidnapping the youngest and most innocent, being little Carol-Anne. It’s almost like these noisy spirits act as a cynical antagonist to the concepts of American freedom and individualism (it is Reagan’s America afterall) by terrorizing the home property into submission because they want Carol-Anne to become a part of the spiritually depressed collective – yeah, I’m reading too much into this crap but unpack it and it’s there.

Aside from a few technical goofs like a bizarre edit in a conversation between Steve and Diane, and one of the fakest looking stunts ever when Diane is blown across the room like a cannonball but falls gently on her arse like a feather, the film looks and sounds incredible. Richard Edlund’s ghostly special effects have that same misty rubbery look to what he did in Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) and Ghostbusters (1984) and those effects have not dated because they really look like something you’d see in a creepy real-life ghost photograph, assuming you believe in that stuff.

According to Jobeth Williams, they actually used real skeletons in the pool sequence – does Hollywood have a secret Mortuaries ‘R Us? One of the bodies must have been a gypsy because these movies are apparently cursed. Since it’s alleged that Spielberg directed a significant amount of Poltergeist simultaneously with E.T. – The Extra-Terrestrial (1982), it’s no shock that the quiet and serene town of Cuesta Verde looks a lot like the suburb that stumpy alien was waddling around in. How come that movie wasn’t cursed? Well, it probably was if you look at Drew Barrymore’s career, but it didn’t quite get the full brunt of it.

Jerry Goldsmith delivers a musical masterpiece that transcends any regular film score. Goldsmith’s music is not only cold, menacing, aggressive, and frenetic, it also has heart in its thematic representation of the family with the theme that resembles a motif from Alien (1979) as well as his incomparable “Carol-Anne’s Theme” that’s beautifully appropriate for the childlike innocence expressed in a lullaby structure. If you ever get the soundtrack, try listening to the last five tracks in one sitting and you’ll be blown away to the other side.

I cannot recommend Poltergeist enough to any fans of the horror genre, or those who wish to see a piece of film making history. It knows what scares you because you too would be fighting tooth and claw to protect your loved ones from invading forces terrorizing your home, your castle. Basically, if you have kids, you’ll be too afraid to go home; however if you are a kid, you’ll never want to go back to bed, especially if you have a crazy clown doll in your bedroom. Why the hell did they buy that sadistic looking piece of demented porcelain?

Speaking of that infamous Poltergeist curse that supposedly killed off a few members of the cast including Dominique Dunne and Heather O’Rourke at a young age, does it affect those who may just be talking about the film? Great, now my blog might be cursed. Damn that Sylvia Ganush!

Author’s Note 24/09/09: While writing this review, a thunderstorm roared outside my house that had the tree outside my room rattling my window. I really don’t like that tree.

Trust No Executive Decision

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on September 22, 2009 by jamesdrax

Executive Decision | Dir: Stuart Baird | 1996 | 6.5/10

Holy smokes, someone open a window to let the terrorists out!

When you have Kurt Russell and Steven Seagal fighting Arab terrorists in the same movie, one of these action stars being canceled out is bound to happen.  I can imagine audiences groaning when Seagal plummets 30,000 feet in a crumbling F-117 stealth fighter about thirty minutes in and wondering if they were just watching a teaser trailer. That got rid of Casey Ryback real good.

Arab terrorists have hijacked a commercial airline Boeing 747 demanding their leader, the world’s most feared terrorist, is released or else they’re going to crash the plane. Well the Americans release the top cheese, but the number 2 henchmen (a very chilling David Suchet) who’s hijacked the plane intends to crash it into Washington anyway, along with a bomb loaded with a Soviet nerve agent called DZ-5 that could potentially kill 40 million people on the east coast. If I’ve ever wanted to piss off the most uber-leftist in a social situation, I just say my favourite movie is Executive Decision. Try it sometime, you should see the look on peoples’ faces!

Anyhow, a special commando team infultrates the plane in mid-air, but after Seagal makes his Janet Leigh-style exit, the team’s chances of success are greatly dimished. You have to admire the stakes being raised to incredible heights. So Russell, John Leguizamo, Oliver Platt and Joe Morton, an unlikely group, have to work against the clock to defuse the bomb and take out the bad guys before the Pentagon decides to blow them out of the sky, and be home in time for a drink, a big drink. In addition, Russell makes landing a jumbo jet seem really easy if you have Halle Berry as a stewardess behind you reading the instruction manual like it’s a car stereo. You’d hope there’s a bloody good movie on this flight to die to.

Executive Decision is such a relic of its time during the 1990’s when American exceptionalism was at an all-time high and the Yanks had no qualms about realizing plane hijackings and crashing them into Washington D.C. and no-one would get upset because it hadn’t quite happened in real life yet. An action film such as this might have been severely panned upon its initial release, but these days, it’s seen as a part of the generation of action films from the 80’s and 90’s that gets a quick case study in American Film and Hollywood university classes. I bet they weren’t thinking that when they were making this conveyor belt junk.

If you’re familiar with this style of filmmaking, you’ll be thinking this is such a Joel Silver movie with all of those macho action characteristics – I gotta love this action/suspense type because they just don’t make it anymore; all we seem to get in the 2000’s is gratuitous shoot ’em up rubbish – terrorists not only killed people on 9/11, they took away our fun to watch action movies, too! Ultimately, the film is enjoyable, and even Jerry Goldsmith’s score puts you in a strut mode.

Thankfully, Russell gives you a sly tip that you can usually always woo a pretty woman if you have two hockey tickets.