Archive for April, 2010

“VROOOOM!”… I’m Not Impressed

Posted in Uncategorized on April 17, 2010 by jamesdrax

So I was walking my dog this evening, minding my own business, when some idiot car-hoon decided to speed his modified bomb up the hill of my street. As he sped up past me, I could have sworn the loudness of his exhaust pipe reached the decibel level of The Who at The Valley. They all seem to come out like cockroaches on Saturday nights.

I had to cover my ears because it hurt! It really did. I tend to avoid discos and night clubs because of the absurd noise levels those places have, and I can’t hear what people are talking about anyway and I’m not interested in losing my voice by shouting at everyone throughout the entire night, but just a few seconds of some drunken boofhead in his hot-rod on a Saturday night is enough to have my ears ringing like the Liberty Bell for a few moments.

What do these guys think? If they make enough loud noise with their car, there’ll be a chance of some hot babe walking along the footpath thinking “wow, his car is so loud, that means he has a big cock!”

Dream on, fellas. Girls are not thinking that. At least not the sane ones I know. Although, I’d bet there are a legion of bimbos out there who actually think there is a correlation between the loudness of a man’s car to his penis size – and the louder it is, the bigger it is.

That mentality actually puts the mindset behind this RTA commercial to question.

The idea behind this ad is noble, but ultimately futile. The low-lives it targets will continue to think if they have an exhaust pipe that blows peoples eardrums as if a pile of TNT just ignited, girls will think their appendages will be the size of the Washington Monument, and some ditzes will always fall for it.

3-D My Arse

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on April 17, 2010 by jamesdrax

Today, I did my usual weekend stroll around Harvey Norman gawking at all of those expensive electronics that I can’t afford, when a fuzzy looking High Definition LED screen caught my attention because of some doofus sitting in front of it with a pair what looked like Geordi LaForge’s visor set from Star Trek: The Next Generation stuck on his face, with some sleazy salesman telling him how great this 3-D technology was!

After the guy being conned took the specs off, I approached the lounge and asked could I try them out. The salesdouche thought he was being hilarious by saying “Sure, that’ll be two dollars”. I wanted to stamp on his head and take the specs myself. Anyhow, he gave me a try, so I put them on and sat on the lounge while the salesmoron was still trying to scam the other idiot.

They had on what looked like Monsters vs. Aliens (2009) but to me, this looked absolutely terrible. I was having a horrible time trying to focus on anything, and the 3-D processing looked so artificial, that it was making my eyes feel like they were about to throb like a jammed thumb in a doorway. I had to pull the specs off after about thirty seconds because my eyes were about to go up like the Death Star. I passed the specs back to the nitwit salesman, who asked in smarmy manner “Wanna be signed up?”

I just said “that hurt my eyes,” and walked off.

No really, it did hurt. I suffered a considerable amount of eye strain for about an hour immediately after trying out this new home 3-D technology. This is surprising, because I couldn’t complain about that after seeing James Cameron’s blue pussy people movie Avatar (2009), so there must still be something wrong with the LED technology and the eyes’ ability to focus on its frame or refresh rate or whatever the tech-heads call it.

However, if 3-D is the future of home entertainment, then I will not buy it. I was rather thankful though that the TV itself has the option of switching back to 2-D, but it all seems like a bloody big waste if it’s just going to fry my eyeballs after such a short amount of time.

3-D in cinemas has been pissing me off too because I can’t be bothered watching crap like Alice in Wonderland (2010) and Clash of the Titans (2010) if they were originally shot in 2-D, then reprocessed in 3-D just to make a quick buck of this new fad. All the idiots who want this in their homes are about as bad as those who clamor for something as boring and mundane as an iPad. What the hell does an iPad do that any other computer can’t do anyhow?

I’m actually relieved now because I won’t have to spend ridiculous amounts of money on something that actually will make my eyes turn square and still enjoying my trusty old 2-D television while everyone else is in their lounge rooms looking stupid wearing sunglasses indoors.

UPDATE: The manufacturer even warns of health risks.